Friday, April 17, 2009

The Worst Pizzas in America!

As I sit in front of my computer, in front of my television, eating a peanut butter and apple sandwhich, drinking a non-alcoholic concoction called a "rootbeer sweetie" I heard a commercial for Papa John's pizza advertising their new "XL X-treme" pizza. They proudly proclaimed that it had "Nearly 1 lb. of cheese!" Wow, so who exactly does that sound appetizing to, cholester-holics?

I personally, loathe Papa John's pizza. I think it is sloppily made and tastes like it was taken out of a freezer. But, that commercial made me wonder, what other pizza chains do I hate...

Rocco's Pizza in Providence Rhode Island.
Hate is a strong word here. Let me just say that while I was in college, everyone always talked about Rocco's like it was God's gift to pizza. I thought it was alright, but overpriced and the crust was really tough and not fun to eat. I always liked that place next to Li Li Wok, no one else ever wanted to go there though, just because someone was murdered there a few years earlier. What a bunch of racists.

Ronzio's Pizza in Providence Rhode Island.
Everyone knows that Ronzio's sucks. But it is cheap so there you go.

Pronto Pizza in Mid-Town Manhattan.
Not terrible by Mid-Town Pizza standards, but hardly a satisfying pizza. There are a few Pronto's but the one I'm referring to is across from Rockefeller Center on 48th. I actually was one of their most loyal patrons for while because their subpar pizza was still the best in the neighborhood but then they raised their prices so that a slice of cheese is 2.75! And this is during a recession. Never again will I eat there.

Papa Gino's
I've must of eaten at Papa G's hundreds of times through the years. It was by far the most visited pizza place of my young childhood and my friends and I were some of the first regulars at the weekly "all you can eat" pizza night. But nothing lasts forever. It wasn't long before rowdy stupid highschool kids from neighboring a town (South Windsor) showed up and started harassing families and so "All you can eat" ended. I wouldn't say Papa Gino's makes a terrible pie (as I would say of Papa John's) But I would probably rate it a B- at it's best. The whole selling point of Papa G's is that you can eat as much as you want for a flat rate, take that out of the equation and they're pretty blase.
Oh, and they don't deliver.

Little Ceasar's
I actually don't think I've ever had Little Ceasar's pizza. Do they even exist anymore? What ever happened to those commercials with the little guy with the spear?

Pizza Hut
You know those obnoxious commercial's where Pizza Hut hires all those actors to pretend they are patrons in a fancy restaurant and they "unknowingly" consume Pizza Hut food thinking it is "authentic" Italian cuisine and they film the whole thing on hidden cameras? I hate those commercials. In fact, everyone I know hates those commercials. Pizza is medicore chain pizza, anyone who would mistake it for good Italian cuisine is either being paid to do so, or an imbecile.

There are few edible things on this earth as disgusting as Domino's Pizza. The stuff tastes like air. If I'm going to eat a pizza, it is because simply consuming air is not enough to satisfy my hunger. I suspect the reason it tastes like crap is because it is given such a meager amount of sauce, but I make a point of eating so infrequently that I can't say for sure. All I know for certain is that it tastes bad and isn't worth the cardboard it is made out of.

Just for the record my favorite chain of pizza is People's Choice. Although, they are a little pricey.

I'm gonna go now. I think I'll have to mute the Yankee Game, Michael Kay is talking about how he is capable of umpiring 3rd base in a Major League game. Michael, you're not even capable of doing your current job, why don't you work on getting that down first? Also in related news, all further sports related topics will be posted on my account, located Here.

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